21 Crazy Critter Goofs
A dog can be man’s best friend but it can also be man’s most unnerving companion. The same goes for cats, too, not to mention critters of the wild.
The tar ‘pits’
I removed the old copper, pushed the new tubing through the floor and into the old saddle valve, and then gave it a try. Wow! Everything worked just fine (and on the first try). Suddenly I heard our cat dashing across the floor.
I rushed into the kitchen and saw water spraying everywhere. After shutting off the water, I examined the tubing and saw that it was covered with tiny cat tooth marks. I immediately decided that I like copper better! — Bob Dobs
This side up
Between hornets and a hard place
That night I quickly wrapped the cloth around the light fixture to keep all the angry, buzzing hornets inside. But when I tried to grab the can of spray at my feet, I realized I couldn’t reach down that far without letting go of the cloth—the only thing between me and an irate colony of stingers. Was I stuck!
Fortunately, it was summer and the windows were open. After I gave a few desperate yells, my wife came and rescued me from my potentially painful pickle. — Albert F. Reed
Then I noticed our dog happily gnawing away and saw a pile of chewed pencil pieces around her. She had been sneaking up behind me while I was bent over and stealing them right out of my pants pocket.
She’s a good dog, but not a handyman’s best friend. —Ken Loftus
My friend was having trouble with squirrels invading his attic. The fact that his dog loved to chase squirrels gave him an idea. The next time he heard a squirrel in the attic, he caught his small dog, climbed the ladder, opened the access hole and released the dog. Since his dog doesn’t obey very well, he had attached a long rope to his collar so that he could just reel him in once the intruder had been run off. But as the dog took off after the squirrel, the rope got wrapped around the trusses until the dog was hopelessly tangled. When my friend climbed up into the attic to rescue the dog, he stepped between the trusses, broke through the drywall and landed in the living room. So much for canine pest control. — Kevin Boekhoff
Fastest way to unload lumber
All was well and good until I was almost home and a small dog darted into the street right in front of me, forcing me to slam on my brakes. My truck stopped, but my load didn’t. The lumber and piping went flying off the rack, landing on the street. Luckily, there wasn’t a car in front of me or it would have had an unexpected delivery through its back window. The dog ran away unscathed, but I swear he was laughing at me. — Carl Erickson
Moles 1, Homeowner 0
The next morning I noticed something odd about my lawn irrigation system. The ground was rising and bulging and occasionally sending up an errant spray of water where no sprinkler head was located. Upon closer investigation, I found that even if I hadn’t speared any varmints, I’d done a nice job of perforating the underground water lines. — Kent Stever
I built a permanent roof over my patio a couple of years ago. Recently I noticed water stains on the inside wall directly below the step flashing that sealed the new roof to the house siding. So I climbed up there to track down the leak. I looked for holes, checked for flashing that had slipped out of place and even flooded the area with a hose. No dice. Then I climbed a ladder and held my head close to the wall behind a rafter to see if any light was shining through to reveal a hole. Inches away and staring right back at me was a bat. And directly below him were his urine stains. — Ed Lejchar
Doggone bad measuring!
I suddenly remembered that the house floor cantilevered over the foundation, and I had drilled the hole 18 in. in front of the refrigerator. After a bit of a hunt, I finally found the hole in the hardwood floor—directly under the dog’s dish! Without skipping a beat, I cut a piece of 3/8-in. dowel, plugged the hole and slid the dog’s dish over it. I figure no one will be the wiser (as long as we have a dog, anyway). — Laurence Simon
When the final board was screwed into place, my “helper” was nowhere to be found. Then I heard whining under the steps and realized what I had done. While I was working on the front porch, Beavis’s exploring had led him under the porch for a snooze. Of course, removing one board wasn’t enough to get him out. I had to remove several and crawl in there to fetch him! Next time I’ll screen my helpers more carefully! — Gerald (Gary) Price
I was building a doghouse for my son-in-law’s dog in my compact 8 x 12-ft. workshop. Everything went fine until it was time to take it outside and paint it. I tried to get it out the door front-to-back, then side-to-side, then flipped it top-to-bottom, but it was still a couple of inches too wide. After all this work, I wasn’t about to dismantle this fabulous project. Two hours later, I finally got it outside—after removing the trim, the door and the door frame! — Carlos Quintero
Unfortunately, our dog, which I had carefully shut outside, came trailing in right behind him. A big, hairy paw stepped right into the can of black, oil-based paint. To make matters worse, the dog got scared and ran as I yelled and chased him, hoping to keep him off the carpet. His paint-soaked paw made a disaster across the house. When I was between cleaning the floors and the black-pawed dog, my wife came home. Calling it “puppy art” didn’t improve the situation. — Carl Bernardi
Painting faux paw
In the doghouse
Jungle print floor
The next morning I peeked into the garage and my eyes grew to the size of silver dollars! We didn’t keep the cat out of the garage. We kept her in—all night! (She must have been hiding up in the rafters.)
It’s a goof we’re unlikely to forget; hundreds of little paw prints across the floor’s mirror finish remind us every day. — Lisa Marie Raby
Bee careful with that hammer
I was tearing down an old shed that wasn’t much more than weathered lumber over a dirt floor. A fair number of bees were flying around, but I kept going until the shed was down and stacked into neat piles. There was one last piece of plywood lying on the ground. With the hammer in my hand, I used the claw to lift up the plywood. Out from the ground came the bees! I dropped the plywood and started running, but one of the bees was gaining on me! My instinct was to start waving my hands to ward off the bee, but I forgot I was holding my hammer! The emergency room doc was laughing so hard that he had a tough time keeping the stitches straight as he worked on the gash above my eyebrow. — Norman Bullock