What Is Living Apart Together, the Latest Cohabitation Trend?

This month, a TikTok from a 41-year-old brand partner named Daniella went viral, amassing more than 2.8 million views.

In the video, Daniella explains how she “lives apart together” with her partner, sharing a duplex with him, but not an apartment or house. She claims this nontraditional relationship model yields substantial benefits for her and her family, such as fewer fights and stronger financial stability.

@rebelmarie #stitch with @user359911342169 two year mark: still great, still recommend #livingaparttogether ♬ original sound – Rebel Nell

And Daniella is far from alone in her adoption of the cohabitation trend. According to reporting by the New York Times on American census data, “the percentage of married couples who live apart rose by more than 25% between 2000 and 2019.” As of 2022, 3.89 million Americans live apart from their spouses, about 2.95% of all married couples.

So what is living apart together, and why are so many Americans choosing it over more traditional cohabitation arrangements? Let’s find out.

What Is Living Apart Together?

Living apart together (sometimes abbreviated to “LAT”) means maintaining a separate living space from your partner.

While this is often common with newer partnerships, LAT specifically refers to couples for whom cohabitation may have been assumed, like married couples. Additionally, LAT typically refers to separate apartments or even houses, not just separate bedrooms or individual hobby rooms.

Why Are Couples Living Apart Together?

Couples live apart together for a various reasons, including differing needs around personal space, health, diet or finances.

In her video, Daniella cites her and her partner’s varying needs for parenting their children and “different design aesthetics” as factors in their decision to live apart. She also says being “responsible for [their] own spaces” helps her and her partner avoid fights over mess and clutter.

Having two apartments also protects them from “los[ing] the house” in the event of financial hardship.

Who Is Choosing to Live Apart Together?

A 2017 study published in the European Journal of Medicine reveals the rise in couples living apart together is largely driven by women and older couples. Experts differ on why this is the case.

Karen Upton-Davis, the author of a related 2013 study published in Gender Issues, says older women’s preferences for living apart together stems from a desire to escape unequal divisions of home labor, which historically has fallen disproportionately on women.

Mark Travers, Ph.D., a psychologist, agreed with this analysis in an article in Forbes. He also suggests older couples may have “strict[er] boundaries when it comes to personal space and finances.” Notably, older couples are also more likely than their younger counterparts to afford separate living spaces.

Which Couples Are Best Suited to Living Apart Together?

If you’re curious about living apart together, ask yourself and your partner a few questions before making the jump:

• Do you and your partner have any responsibilities, like cleaning the house, that may be more effectively managed separately?
• Do you and your partner have different needs around personal space or socialization?
• Can you and your partner afford separate apartments?
• What are you and your partner’s expectations around how much time to spend together?
• How might living apart together impact your emotional connection to one another?

As with all major joint decisions, the choice to live apart together should be taken seriously and thoroughly discussed beforehand. Be sure to communicate openly with your partner about your needs, desires and expectations before making the plunge.

And remember: There are as many different relationship structures as there are relationships. With an open mind, you’re sure to find one that’s right for yours!